In Junior high school I started to notice a difference between myself of some of the other girls. Once I got into high school, there was a huge divide between myself and those girls. In my view, those girls where prettier, nicer, had better clothes and got invited to the cool parties. Then I started working in salons and those girls became the hot chicks. They seem to have it all! Everything that I yearned for. They are beautiful, have amazing clothes, hot boyfriends and (I hate to admit) they are nice. I made up hateful stories in my head and even gossiped with others about those girls. No one could really have it all!
When I started doing hair. I realized my clients had those girls they compared themselves to also. Many clients sit in my chair and downplay their own style because they feel they are not one of "those girls." They put themselves in a trap of what they thought they should be.
When my marriage was crumbling, I found myself in a real identity crisis. While I loved being a mom there was a woman in my spirit who needed to be let out. I did the work to release the labels and excuses I created about not allowing myself to be the person I craved to be. The woman I was hiding deep in my spirit, was one of those girls. I feel, we all have one of those girls living in our spirit aching to be released. We have created stories about why we cannot let her out. We worry about judgement from parents and friends. Some of us are just to lazy to do the work. It is easier for them to stay in a negative place and live in judgement of those girls.
I allowed myself to live small because it felt safe. As much as I craved to be one of those girls it terrified me. I realized those girls did not care what people thought about them. They had a strong sense of self, and they did the work to take care of their mental and physical bodies. Doing the physical work is where I get hung up. I have no issue doing the internal spiritual work. But, creating a life that supports working out is my battle. I had to come to terms with the idea that if I am going to live a true spiritual based life I cannot ignore my physical body. However, every day it is becoming more difficult for me to ignore the person I know I was created to be.
I am one of those girls...