Hello my name is Kim and I am a recovering people pleaser. Any else suffer from this disease?
I know I am not the only people pleaser because so many of my clients complain of never having time for themselves, they are too busy taking care of everyone and everything that there is no time for them. So many of us were raised to think self-sacrifice is loving, makes you a caring kind person. When we are stuck in people pleasing we often get to a point of feeling taken advantage of. When we get to this place we snap… we get passive aggressive, angry, shut down, withdraw or emotional eat… or all these things! Society tell us putting self-last, sacrificing self and being a martyr is loving. We are told that saying no, self-care and boundaries are selfish and if you do this you are a self-centered or a “bitch.” When we come from love saying no and setting healthy boundaries is healthy. It can feel so unnatural at first to set boundaries for ourselves, but I assure you when you find your voice and learn how to set healthy boundaries you will LOVE having more time for yourself!
If you body is not your best friend it should be. She is the only person that has witnessed your life in its entirety. She was there at your birth, for your first love, when you where on the floor listening to sad love songs when your heart was broken and she hears every word you keep in your head. Sorry to tell you my friend but every time you think a negative thought about your self she hears it.
What if you were forced to say out loud to your bff all the thoughts you had about yourself? Would you be mortified? Would you feel really crappy knowing someone else knew what you really thought of yourself? Guess what? Someone does know and she hears everything! She was the spirit who lifted you off the floor when your heart was broken, when you did not think you make it one more day and the sweet voice inside of you who says " you got this."
She is also the voice who grumbles when you treat her badly. She starts out as a small whisper. A small stomach ache or headache. When you ignore her it is like ignoring your bff. If your bestie called you crying and needed a friend would you ignore her and tell her you are too busy? You would ask her what she needs and how you can help. You might even cry on the on phone with her. You would nurture her and support her to face her obstacle. If you ignored your bff she would become hurt and angry with you.
When you ignore your spirit the pain builds up over time. The anger mounts and turns into weight gain, depression, chronic pain and disease. When you start to feel the pain in your body you look outside of her to numb it. Food, alcohol and staying busy are what most turn to when they want to shut down your spirits voice.
Take a few moments throughout your day to check in with her. Rebuild your friend ship with your first best friend. Let her know you are listening and ready to support her.
If you are struggling to connect with your spirit please check out my one on one coaching. I am offering a complimentary 45 min strategy session.
Resist the urge to fight...
My son and I love the beach, a day at the beach is always what I crave when my head is spinning and I need some fresh air to clear out all the funk! I love the beach but I am terrified of the ocean. I love to sit on the beach and watch the waves roll in and out. I have a deep respect for the power of the ocean.
Unlike his fearful mother, my son loves the ocean. When he was a little dude going to the beach was not relaxing for me. It freaked me out! I would sit on the beach so worried he was going to get taken down by the force of the waves. I made a decision to teach him to respect the ocean, either that or I was going to be a wreak every time we went to the beach. I love the beach way too much to let that happen.
So I did what every mom does to solve a problem. I went to the internet to learn how to talk to my son about the ocean current. What I learned was that when you get caught up in a current you do not try to fight it, you swim with it and keep your eye on the beach. On our next visit to the beach I watched my son lay in the waves and let himself get bounced around and beat up by the waves.... he loved every minute of it. He explained to me how each wave was different and would take him in different directions but he would always end up back on the beach. He did this for hours until it got cold and his lips where turning blue!
When my life took a big shift and the dark, strong waves of life kept knocking me down. I said to one of my friends... the waves just keep on coming..... I was feeling beat up, worn down and not sure I could pick myself up again. It hit me in that moment what I taught my son about the ocean. I could fight the current of change or I could ride the waves and see where it took me. I kept my eye on end result which was to feel good. I will tell you it was not easy to resist the fight. I wanted to fight, but when I fought... I got knocked on my ass! It takes courage to let go of the fight and needing to be in control. Letting go and floating across the top of the wave gave me an incredible feeling of freedom. I still got a little beat up but I always ended up in a better place than where I started. I still catch myself resisting the current and I usually end up right in the same place as I started. My mantra during challenging times is " let go and ride the wave" then I picture my son rolling around in the waves laughing and enjoying the ride.
Brene Brown and the word vulnerability is everywhere right now. I drop her name and teachings like it is a common household name. In my conversations, I realized not everyone understands what being vulnerable really means. So, I am going to give it my best shot in my own words. It is important first for you to know how I feel about Brene Brown...
Hello my name is Kimberly and I am addicted to the teachings of Brene Brown. Ha! Who am I kidding.....I am addicted to Brene Brown the person. I want to be her bff. How amazing would it be to have a friend that you can let down your guard and just be yourself with?
Did you catch that? Don't we all wish we could be ourselves with everyone? Unfortunately, we have those friends, partners, coworkers or fellow moms at school that we feel we have to put up a persona with. My love affair with Brene started years ago (before Oprah.) I like to think I discovered her.... lol Anyway, I was deep in my chaotic life. I was married, working full time, my son was in school and I was volunteering as much as possible at my sons school. Brene tells a story about the judgement she felt from other moms and it hit me hard. Listening to her teachings shined light on how ridiculous I was being. From her teachings I realized I did not have to be all things to all people and I was not the only mom who was unraveling at the seams. It was like I finally had permission to let my flaws be exposed, I was struggling keeping everything together and it felt so good to be honest! I started reaching out to other moms for help and I admitted my marriage was in trouble. As I was more vulnerable, it gave permission to those around me to be more vulnerable. I was shocked at what others shared with me about what seemed to be a picture perfect life.
As my life progressed and drastically changed. Brene helped me discover how much I craved to have whole hearted relationships. As you start to live from a vulnerable place your heart opens up in a way it never has before. You want more connected relationships. I desired a deep relationship based on trust and support. I wanted to be accepted for being myself, flaws and all.
When I think of living vulnerable the word transparent always comes to mind. When I started practicing vulnerability I felt transparent. It was like I removed all my labels and filters I lived by before. The hardest person to be vulnerable with was myself. It meant I called myself out on my crap. I did not let myself live or react from the shallow place I used to call home.
To practice her teachings in your life there are few things to consider. When you start to live from a vulnerable place practice with the people in your life you know you can trust with your heart and ego. I have some advice if you are going to use these teachings with your partner. When being vulnerable in relationships you have to hold space for the other person to be open and vulnerable with no judgement. You also must be willing to be vulnerable with no expectations. This means do not get made at your partner for not reacting the way you want them to. Everyone is on their own path and some people take a little longer to come around. I suggest getting getting her first book and reading it with your partner.
Living this way takes a lot of courage. It can be fearful and bring up a lot of trust issues. I have to say no pain no gain.... following the teachings of living vulnerable and whole hearted has elevated all of my relationships and given me the courage to start the career of my dreams.
If you are new to Brene, check her out of TED Talks and youtube then purchase her books.
Talking from experience, I cannot tell you how many diets, and how much money I have spent on pills and programs to lose weight, just to gain it right back afterward. Time and time again, I was promised this ‘new me’, only to be let down shortly after the diet or program was over. Every time I gained more than I had lost, it left me self-conscious, disappointed, and feeling like a failure. The truth of the matter is: DIETS DON’T WORK!
Sure, sometimes you lose the weight (at a cost to you financially, your health, and your body) for a short period of time, but diets cannot give you long-term sustainable weight or fat loss. When going through these drastic changes of dieting, your body goes into shutdown mode and your brain releases hormones telling your brain that you are starving. So when the diet is done, your body wants to replenish what it lost, plus some.
When you diet, you are consuming less food, so your metabolism slows down and you also lose muscle in the process. In no circumstance, in a healthy body, would you want to lose muscle mass! Instead we need to focus on what is being put into our bodies, and not how much of it. Let me tell you, it was not easy for me to wrap my head around this idea after years of counting calories.
There is a stigma against people who diet and then gain the weight right back, like they, the individual, are the reason they gained the weight back due to lack of will power, strength, laziness, ignorance… this puts too much power in weight being a choice or a product of not trying hard enough to be what everyone wants you to be. I read a great quote from an article in TheAtlantic.com that said, “Nutrition and fitness should be directed towards a healthy and improved lifestyle- NOT appearance (that is just a benefit).” And it’s true!
First off, clean eating is not a diet, it is a lifestyle choice. It is making the conscious decision to be happier and healthier, not only for you, but for your family. Clean eating is all about being aware of the pathway your food had to go through from growth, to your plate. It is focusing on consuming whole or real food and reducing or eliminating processed, refined, or handled food from your diet.
Focusing on raw, organic fruits and vegetables, lean protein, and good fats, the benefits go far beyond just weight loss. You gain more energy, improved body system functioning, improved cognitive abilities, better skin, better hair… the list goes on! Some general tips to remember when eating clean include:
- Limit processed foods
- Increase fruit and veggie intake (raw and organic are the best options)
- Cut down saturated fat
- Reduce or eliminate alcohol and tobacco consumption
- Remove sugars or artificial sweeteners
- Eat lean meats
- Cut out refined grains
- Hydrate – not with sugary sports drinks but with water. If you don’t like water try adding lemon or raspberries for a hint of flavor. I love to make home made vitamin water.
Now food is only one part of the weight loss equation. To lose weight and reach optimal health and wellness, you should exercise regularly, practice stress management, sleep proper amounts, hydrate, and focus on your daily nutrients. Clean eating will help you and your family feel better, long-term. And when you feel better, it shows!
Interested in joining a clean eating detox group with health coaching support?
Check out my clean eating program!
It’s out with the old and in with the new for springtime, and the same should go for toxin build up in your body. Cleansing should occur at least once a year, but it is also suggested that as the seasons change, a good cleanse can better prepare us for the changes of the seasons. Just like the temperature, the foods we eat during each season changes. Going from spring to summer, the body is working up for some of the busiest months of the year.
Traditionally, cultures all around the world have practiced seasonal cleansing in all types of different ways. Specifically for a liver cleanse, the liver is how the body takes toxins out of the body, and that is how the liver earns the spot of one of the hardest working organs in our bodies! The liver works with many other organs in our body to detox blood, produce bile, hormone breakdowns, and acts as a storage facility for our vitamins and minerals. If the liver is not functioning properly, it affects many other areas of our body.
Some more important functions of the liver include removing old blood cells, helping the intestines process nutrients, chemical production for blood clotting, the breakdown and metabolizing of alcohol and consumed medications, and the production of necessary proteins and cholesterol. When people hear ‘liver disease’ they typically think of alcoholism, but that is not the only cause of liver disease or liver failure. Some other risk factors associated with liver disease include low potassium levels, drug use, exposure to certain chemicals, obesity, processed foods, viral infections and autoimmune diseases.
Some things you may notice if your liver is not performing at its best include gas or bloating, constipation, heartburn, acid reflux, yellowish tint to skin and eyes, high blood pressure, difficulty losing weight, cognitive difficulties, dark urine, chronic fatigue, poor appetite, and chronic fatigue.
If you want to support your liver there are certain foods you should focus on. These foods include beets, carrots, tomatoes, grapefruit, spinach, citrus fruits, cabbage, turmeric, walnuts, avocados, apples, Brussels sprouts, garlic, dandelion root, leafy green vegetables, broccoli, cauliflower, asparagus, green tea, artichoke, olive oil, and alternative grains like quinoa, millet and buckwheat.
There are many diets, supplements, and programs available to cleanse your liver; you need to find the one that is best for you. Consult your doctor if you have concerns or questions.
Below are some general tips that have worked for me:
-Eat clean and organic
-Eat a low-fat diet that is high in fiber
-Take a probiotic.
-Eat light meals more frequently.
-Get the proper amount of sleep
-Avoid alcohol and tobacco products
-Avoid processed foods and whole grains
You will find that when you are done with your liver cleanse, you should notice that you have much more energy, your digestion has improved, and your skin looks younger and brighter. You will also have better mental clarity and cognitive functioning, along with a boost to your immune system and more balanced blood sugar levels. Interesting in removing toxins naturally? If you’d like to shed unwanted weight and Spring cleanse this season
click here to check out my Spring Detox Program.
I am going to apologize now, I love spring! I will be chatting it up about spring for the next few months. I love when the mother nature sheds away at the signs of winter and the blossoms and colors of spring arrive.
I love spring cleaning, I love the foods that come with spring and I really love the longer days!
I told you I was a nut about spring. I have learned that my body works best in spring and summer weather. So the minute spring shows up my body starts to wake up. I start to really focus on what helps me shed the winter sludge. One of my favorite things to get my body moving and waking up is dry skin brushing. Continuous skin brushing will make your skin glow, reduce bags under your eyes and reduces swelling in your hands and feet.
Your skin is the largest detoxifying organ in your body. It is your first line of defense! Your skin gets beat up from the environment and everything you do to the inside shows up on your skin. The minute you ingest something of a chemical nature or an allergen or experience a stressful situation, your skin reacts by breaking out by trying to expel the toxins, whether those we consider real poisons or the ones emitted by our stress hormones. We know about detoxing our bodies with food but supporting your skin is equally important in order for it to breathe and release all those toxins.
Benefits of skin brushing
Purchase a skin brush with natural bristles at your local health food store or you can find them on amazon.
Start with dry skin. I do it every morning before I get in the shower and at night before I get in bed. You want to start at your feel, with long strokes moving towards your heart. When you get to your stomach move in a counterclockwise motion. You do not want to brush hard, you are gently cleansing your skin, your skin should be a little pink but not red.
Sugar.... the hidden culpruit to most if not all of our health issues. But, its oh so addicting. According to brain scans sugar is as addicting as cocaine. The average american consumes 150 lbs of sugar a year!
Kick the Sugar and Reclaim Your Health!
Sugar is almost everywhere. It’s not only in our pastries and desserts, but it’s also in our coffee, in our soup, even in salad dressings! Start reading labels and look for the hidden sugars. You will be shocked what sugar is hiding in.
Sugar robs the body of nutrition. It can rot your teeth and cause fatty deposits to build up in your liver. It’s the main cause of cellulite, body fat, and metabolic issues. Sugar also creates an acidic environment in the body, which leads to disease. Do you know what cancer loves to feed off of? Yep....Sugar
Sugar causes inflammation in the body which hardens collagen in the skin. Ditching the sugar softens fine lines and reduces bags under your eyes.
So you can see why it would be important to kick sugar to the curb and swap it out for healthier alternatives.
Now, I’m not about deprivation. Not in the least. I like a sweet treat as much as the next person. But I make sure that what I’m eating isn’t going to negatively impact my health, so I make sure that any treats I’m eating are sweetened with a healthy sweetener, like honey or maple syrup, or natural sugar substitute, like stevia or xylitol.
Once you start switching to healthy sweeteners and low-sugar substitutes, you’ll notice that you have fewer and fewer cravings for sugar. You’ll also find that you’re tasting the natural sweetness of fruits and vegetables without needing to put anything on top of them.
When you have a sugar craving take a second and think about where the craving is coming from. Are you really craving sugar? Is there something deeper that needs to be fed? Sometime we have intense sugar cravings when we are tired or in need of some TLC. To help kick sugar to the curb incorporate veggies and fiber in your diet. When we feel satisfied and full we do not desire the sugar.
Getting off of sugar will help you to ditch the afternoon energy crash, stabilize your blood sugar, look younger, and create a more alkaline environment that your body will thrive in.
What will you swap out these week for a healthier, low-sugar or sugar-free alternative
My love/hate with roses
My son and I live in a charming little house near his school and in walking distance to restaurants and stores. The rental market in our area is highly competitive so we feel very blessed to live here. I am also very blessed to have a really kind landlord. It is important to me to take great care of his house.
The first time I came to look at the house, I was so excited when I saw the courtyard in the front. The courtyard has a high fence around it, a small path of lawn and a row of very old rose bushes each one is a different variety. My first thought was “I cannot wait to pull those suckers out!” While I am engrossed in my thoughts of how I am going to yank those rose bushes out and replace them with succulents and lavender, I hear my landlord talking about how much he LOVES his roses.
What? Are you kidding me? When I say LOVE he really loves them and is very proud of how old his rose bushes are. I felt like one of the blow up dancing people in the front of car dealerships that had just ran out of air. My dreams of a Mediterranean courtyard deflated.
I don’t hate roses, I just don’t love roses. Growing up my parents had roses. My Dad loves them. As I can appreciate their beauty and fragrance, they are a lot of work! I have memories of listening to my parents talking about them. They were always trying some new concoction to fight off some odd rose issue. The leaves had some kind of fungus on the leaves, then they get those little white bugs on them, then they got some other funky bug that eats the flowers. Then there comes the pruning or “dead heading” of the roses. The roses have to be trimmed in a certain order for a new rose to grow correctly. Really? Is all this work really worth it to get a flower?
There I was, the owner of rose bushes. Now, I had to learn to tend to these high maintenance prickly beasts. Of course, the first few weeks of living here the roses got covered in those pesky white bugs. The leaves looked like it had snowed. My instinct is to always try something natural first, so I made up a remedy I read about online and soaked the bushes in it. It didn’t work. My Mom hit the home improvement store and got special spray that sent that pesky micro bugs packing (I really don’t want to know what was in that spray.)
Now I was left to “dead heading” removing the dead roses. My Dad showed me his technique. But, after a few weeks the bushes didn't look like they were growing back right. So, I went to the place everyone goes to in order to find a solution……. I hit youtube and figured out a few new tricks. I think my Dad like any good father was trying to keep it simple when he taught me his method and not overwhelm me.
Fast forward a few weeks later and now I have some good looking rose bushes. In fact, a few of my friends complimented my roses. They had no idea the work I have put into them. I felt like a proud mama when they said it. Hmmm… am I becoming a rose person? The jury is still out on that. I will say I have learned a lot about care and pay off through care of my roses.
Care of rose bushes is a lot like self-care. I love an easy pay off, little effort = big return. Well, we all know life is not that easy. As I watch my roses start off as a bud and break open into a vibrant layered array of colors, I cannot help but feel in awe of the process. When the flower finishes its life cycle the petals fall off and it’s time to trim it away. It doesn't mean the flower is dead, it is time to remove what is not needed in order for a new one to grow in its place. Nature just knows what to do.
We are all in need of some special care in order to reveal our vibrant layers. We have to shed what no longer serves us in order to grow and break open to expose our true selves.
The process of shedding layers that no longer serve me, has been daunting for me. Treading into the unknown takes trust, trust in nature and the process. My process with the roses has taught me to trust nature and all of life goes through cycles. I am so proud of myself for the daily commitment I made to the success of my roses. A rose is a small pay off for all the work that goes into it. But, the rose is not the real payoff. The process is the pay off. A daily spiritual practice, healthy food, laughter and love are just a few things we can do on a daily basis to care for ourselves. We may not see an immediate pay off and we may get some pesky little bugs that irritate us along the way. It is all part of the process, just be patient with yourself.
In Junior high school I started to notice a difference between myself of some of the other girls. Once I got into high school, there was a huge divide between myself and those girls. In my view, those girls where prettier, nicer, had better clothes and got invited to the cool parties. Then I started working in salons and those girls became the hot chicks. They seem to have it all! Everything that I yearned for. They are beautiful, have amazing clothes, hot boyfriends and (I hate to admit) they are nice. I made up hateful stories in my head and even gossiped with others about those girls. No one could really have it all!
When I started doing hair. I realized my clients had those girls they compared themselves to also. Many clients sit in my chair and downplay their own style because they feel they are not one of "those girls." They put themselves in a trap of what they thought they should be.
When my marriage was crumbling, I found myself in a real identity crisis. While I loved being a mom there was a woman in my spirit who needed to be let out. I did the work to release the labels and excuses I created about not allowing myself to be the person I craved to be. The woman I was hiding deep in my spirit, was one of those girls. I feel, we all have one of those girls living in our spirit aching to be released. We have created stories about why we cannot let her out. We worry about judgement from parents and friends. Some of us are just to lazy to do the work. It is easier for them to stay in a negative place and live in judgement of those girls.
I allowed myself to live small because it felt safe. As much as I craved to be one of those girls it terrified me. I realized those girls did not care what people thought about them. They had a strong sense of self, and they did the work to take care of their mental and physical bodies. Doing the physical work is where I get hung up. I have no issue doing the internal spiritual work. But, creating a life that supports working out is my battle. I had to come to terms with the idea that if I am going to live a true spiritual based life I cannot ignore my physical body. However, every day it is becoming more difficult for me to ignore the person I know I was created to be.
I am one of those girls...